You're Invited...to See Me in My Undies

Let me just get this out in the open one and for all: I'm planning on changing my last name and I'm happy as a pig in mud about it. Don't give me the whole, "OMG, but aren't you a self-proclaimed feminist?!" bull-honkey, because you're right, I am. You see, feminists come in all shapes and sizes and support a myriad of different issues. Did you know that some feminists are pro-life?  And some feminists think "Sex and the City" is dangerous to women? And some feminists are totally radical and adhere to the Redstockings Manifesto?

So today when I was on Twitter (nevermind the fact that I was on deadline and trying to get 5,000 work-related things done), I stumbled upon a bit of a debate. Wait, no. It wasn't a debate. It was just people calmly discussing an interesting issue like adults in 140 characters or less.

And that, my friends, was the issue of pole dancing as exercise. Is it empowering? Is it trashy? Will it give you killer abs? Will it make you want to install a pole in your bedroom?

 

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And so the debate-that-wasn't-really-a-debate continued, and I watched the responses roll in with mild interest. Until one tweet in particular brought up a very interesting point that was SO ON THE MONEY, it turned the elusive light bulb in my noggin' on:

 

"I wouldn't say [pole dancing lessons are] empowering, but it can definitely make you feel sexy. I'd think in the same way a boudoir shoot would." -LIBudgetBride

 

She. Is. So. RIGHT.

I'm not really a fan of boudoir photos published online for the whole world and potential bosses to potentially see. Isn't the whole point of wedding-related boudoir photography to take some sexy photos of yourself and give them to your partner as a wedding gift? Or something like that? If so, shouldn't it be kind of sacred? Do you think your partner would want photos of you online in compromising positions giving Come Hither looks to the camera while rolling around in a mussed up bed?! And what if a boss did in fact see them and forever will imagine you in your push-up bra and thong despite your attire of a smart-yet-fashionable business suit?

Ah, I'm sounding like a crotchety old biddy, but maybe you should take a look for yourself:

(Just a note, boudoir photos are Not Safe for Work if your work doesn't condone you looking at photos of scantily clad women while you're on the clock. And if you don't want to see photos of the aforementioned scantily clad women, then click no further and take my word for it.)

  

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I understand why some women would want to take photos like this as a gift for their beloved. I really do. The pictures are scandalous enough to cause some sort of stir (ahem, we won't mention where), and I'm not writing this to get on some high horse about who should do what in their spare time, though we could discuss for the sake of good ol' feminist discussion about women giving their partner sex-driven images of themselves and what that says about our society, but we just won't.

For the sake of playing devil's advocate, how is this really any different than pole dancing lessons? Both are in controlled environments. Both are too sexy for grandma's eyes (depending on who your grandma is). Both are things women can do for fun OR do to make money from. Both can also be seen as morally corrupt, depending on the intended audience.

And while keeping with the devil's advocate theme (with a little shot of Catharine MacKinnon for good measure)...how is this any different than Playboy's lingerie edition, which is universally classified as softcore pornography? How can people really call boudoir photos art or empowerment, but denounce pornography in all forms?

 

Alas, as with many debates among the various feminist circles (such as the very issue of pornography itself), this one could go a million, billion ways. There are so many issues and questions we could touch on, but to keep this from becoming a dissertation fit for a women's studies degree, I'll refrain. 

 

So what do you think?*  Have you taken a pole dancing class? What about boudoir photos? Would you ever put photos of yourself in sexy positions online, even if the photos were taken to give to your partner as a wedding gift?

THOUGHTS?

 

*I am DYING to hear what you guys think, so feel free to agree or disagree with me on any points. I was a women's studies student in college, so I could talk about this crap until the cows come home. And on that note, I would love to try a pole dancing class for the laugh-factor alone.

 

Stay thrifty,
Hollie

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Comments

[BirdRoughsIt]

I DID do boudoir photos! But they were definitely more artsy than sexy... which is sexy for us. It was definitely a gift for my partner, but also something that I really wanted to do for myself: what better time in my life to document what my body looks like? My photos were mostly naked and mostly outside, and mostly not me making a "sexy" or "come hither" face. A few times I was lying on a bed and my awesome photographer told me to look at her and think about how much I love my partner, and that photo was really sweet and also sensual (you know, with all the naked).

It really depends on what you're going for. I'm glad I did something for *me* but was able to also do it as a gift for her.

[A. Marigold]

What do I think? I think none of the above. I don't think pole dancing is empowering, unless it makes you feel powerful to be objectified (which I am not judging, but I think it accomplishes the opposite of empowerment!). I have not taken a pole dancing class. I can see how it would be fun, or good exercise, but it's not really for me. I'd do it for a freind's b-party and I wouldn't moralize about it, but it's not an activity I would choose for myself.

As far as boudoir photos go, I would not let anyone take them except for my partner (and he'd rather do other things than grab his camera if I were to prance around in lingerie for him, I'm pretty sure), and I would never, NEVER, EVER dream of posting them online. EVER.

[Nicole {Niche White}]

You are so far over my head with this, but I will contribute my measley 2 cents for the sake of conversation and supporting your fabulousness. First - a round of applause for posting thought-provoking, yet wedding related, content. Second - um.... *birds chirping*...I'm so not smart enough for this!

Ok seriously here are my little thoughts: If it makes you happy, doesn't harm anyone, it's legal, and you can afford it - go for it. No matter what it is. But "going for it" doesn't mean it has to be made public. I'm totally onboard that these shots are supposed to be a gift for your husband and prob shouldn't be all over the interwebz.

On the flip side I think it's nice when brides allow these pictures to be posted to inspire confidence in women of all shapes and sized to do something that might make them feel sexy for their spouse. BUT all the women that are willing to share already look like they're models so.....that doesn't make me - uh, other women - feel inspired to show off my - uh, their- own tush. It just makes me (them!) feel more inferior. So that idea is scratched and I'm back to thinking "Keep it private, lady!" Or just let photographers keep a folder to show potential clients. The internet is FOREVER.

Pole dancing.....I don't know, can't it just be fun exercise? I think Yoga poses are just as provocative ;) My point here is that not everything has to mean something or be a discussion. For this post, I see it as good conversation but if I ever take a pole dancing class please don't worry that I feel degraded. I'm just doing some cardio.

[Ariella (@LIBudgetBride)]

First off, I'm flattered that a mindless Tweet of mine spurred this post and I thank you for the props.

What I couldn't say in 140 characters: I've gone pole dancing twice at the same little place for two different bachelorette parties (I honestly wouldn't be surprised if my bridesmaids were planning it for me). We had a ball. We had fun, we laughed, we danced and we found that some of our friends had hidden talents. It honestly was a workout. We were all sweating and sore the next day. Our instructor was a real woman, not some retired stripper. She had never been a stripper, but she was confident in her body and secure in her sexuality. We were impressed with her athleticism, pure strength and confidence. And that's what made her incredibly sexy. If she got all that from swinging around a pole, then hell, sign me up.

I believe that both pole dancing and boudoir shoots can help with confidence, especially when you generally lack a high self image. While I'm secure and confident in many traits that I possess, I am very insecure with my looks and my weight and therefore rarely feel sexy. I definitely looked way awkward swinging around a pole, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't walk out of there standing a little taller. I'm considering a boudoir shoot for similar reasons. Not only will it be a present for my fiance who thinks I'm sexy as hell, but I think it will help me see in me what he sees in me.

That being said, my photos aren't going anywhere online because I do believe that they are a private and special gift to my fiance (who saw those pictures and went, 'I think we should cancel the second shooter and you can do one of those shoots instead") and I wouldn't share them with the digital world. Even if I was a size 4 and had a yoga-tight ass, I wouldn't put pictures of me and my underwear online. But, I do wish more size 14s would because I'm so tired of seeing skinny chicks get naked. I almost WANT to put them online so there would finally be a girl with some curves on these sites. Like Nicole said, so other girls can see them and say, "Yeah! I can be sexy too and I'm not a size 6!" But I already can't find a new job so I don't want to go making it any harder for myself.

In conclusion, I really don't see either as empowering, but I do see boudoir shoots and pole dancing to be something that can give you confidence and make you feel sexy.

[Anni]

I really appreciate that you wrote this post now. I'm getting ready to shoot my first ever boudoir session with a client, and I am so excited for it! But it begs the question: just because a client is okay with her images being shared, should they? Are they (assuming they are generally innocent and on the modest side) okay for a blog post, a portfolio, or should they be kept for an as-requested by future clients? I'm not sure there's a right answer across the board, since I'm sure everyone has different opinions, but I'm curious to hear what others think.

[Liz]

Haha while reading this I looked up and asked my fiance and asked if he wanted boudoir pictures as a present...his eyes lit up. (oh boy..) And I totally laughed at the grandma comment because my fiance's grandma actually gave me a certificate to some boudoir studio. Did I go? NO.
Why? I don't want to get specific but I am that girl under a size 4. The one that everyone THINKS that would be confident and excited to show myself off in undies...but I am not. I don't think taking pictures of myself in lingerie will make me feel empowering. It would make me feel like I was trying to hard to get desired "hey look at me don't I look sexy and now you want me?" haha
Maybe I just don't want to be sexually desired? And if that is "empowering" well then...hmm...

About pole dancing...I have done it after too many adult beverages. It is fun and definitely a good workout!

[lizzie]

i'm not opposed in the least. when i lose a few i'm gonna get my own/take my own budoir photos and they're only going to be for isaiah and i. not only what about future bosses/current bosses to find...what about PARENTS?! every time i see someone sharing their budoir photos, i'm all, where are their parents!?

[Hollie]

Great point about different kinds of sexy for different couples, because not everyone is into the bustier-and-thong-combo-with-booty-in-the-air-and-bedroom-eyes thing, you know? But GO YOU for being confident enough to be naked (and outside to boot) and major props to your photographer for not coaxing you into acting like some sex-crazed minx.

Note to brides, as learned from Bird: If you're gonna bite the bullet and do boudoir photography, BE YOUR OWN KIND OF SEXY.

Even though I haven't actually posed for boudoir photos and know next to nothing about photography, I imagine that a boudoir photoshoot should be all about LOVE. That's sort of the point, isn't it? It's such an insanely personal and intimate gift, and I can't imagine how someone's partner would feel if that "gift" was subsequently plastered all over the wedding blogosphere for other people to gawk at. OK, and potentially RIGHT-CLICK-SAVED, too. Hmph.

[Hollie]

Good for you for being able to go to a class for a friend's party without turning it into something it's really not. I imagine it could be pretty humorous, especially with a few drinks thrown into the equation, not to mention I've heard it's a killer workout...IN HEELS. (Speaking of which, I'm wondering how good a workout it actually is? How it would compare to, I don't know, going to a gym? Or doing an exercise DVD at home? Or lifting some hand weights during an episode of "Survivor?")

After thinking more about what pole dancing classes and boudoir photography essentially are (things or gifts to spice up your life in the boudoir, regardless whether or not we deem them to be immoral, empowering, etc.), it can bring on a whole new slew of issues: Like WHY does modern society put such a high value on sex- and gender-driven, body-showcasing gifts? For the same reason modern society puts a high value on sex-driven, body-showcasing advertising? And mainstream music?

I'm on the fence with it all, really, and I can see benefits in both. But one thing I'm not on the fence with: I TOTALLY agree with you about not putting boudoir pictures online. EVER. NEVER EVER. Trot around in heels and undies, take some pictures, gift them, whatever. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, isn't this a sexy, sorta-secret gift? Sheesh.

[Hollie]

First of all, Nicole: SHAME ON YOU for saying you're not smart enough for this! You made excellent points, and I think all women (and people, for that matter) are capable to thoughtfully discuss feminism and current issues, because everyone has a different opinion and lives a different kind of life. (Cue singing "We're All In This Together" from High School Musical.)

OK. Onto the sexy matters at hand...

COULD NOT agree with you more RE: "If it makes you happy, doesn't harm anyone, it's legal, and you can afford it - go for it. No matter what it is. But 'going for it' doesn't mean it has to be made public."

The best part of everyone being different is EVERYONE BEING DIFFERENT. Life is interesting. People do different stuff because they have different interests. Brides can pose for sexy photos, and grooms can, too. Unfortunately, all boudoir photos I've seen show women who look like VS models. And they don't cut themselves when they shave their legs. And their boobs and bodies are perky enough that they don't need granny bras or control top ANYTHING.

But a line can be crossed, too. When the boudoir photos are posted online, when does it go from a sexy, intimate gift for your partner to a scandalous, lingerie-clad photoshoot? Once the pictures go online, does the game change? I'm fine with people putting photos online of themselves in undies if they choose, but does it then change the whole meaning and purpose of the photos to begin with?

GAH. I just don't know!

[Hollie]

You're so right on SO many levels, it's pretty much blowing my mind. First of all, cheers to you for going to the pole dancing classes with your friends and having a killer time (and apparently a killer workout, egads). I can see it as a hilarious time out with the gals AND a total confidence boost. And everyone needs a confidence boost every now and then, so why should we judge WHERE or HOW they get it? We probably shouldn't.

And as opposed as I am to putting scandalous boudoir pictures online (NOT because they're scandalous, but because that's not the true intention of a boudoir session in most cases), I would love to see women of ALL body types featured if they're going to be plastered online anyway. Have you ever been to http://www.vavoompinups.com? They have some amazing pinup-style photography (and boudoir, too) of women of all shapes and sizes. And you know what? They're all BEAUTIFUL!

Keep us all posted with how your boudoir photo session goes!

[Hollie]

Congrats on booking the boudoir session!!! That's a big step, and whether you decide to put it on a blog or in a portfolio, it's going to be an amazing experience for everyone. Hooray for you!

I guess if I was a bride who was posing for boudoir photos, I wouldn't want my photos online at all. Perhaps the modest shots that give a FEEL of the shoot without exposing anything I wouldn't want my parents to see would be OK, but I would need to double check everything before the post goes up.

What if...you got approval for modest photos, but also got approval on others to SHOW people who were interested in your boudoir photography services? That way they're not just all over the internet for whomever to see, and the only people who would get to see them would be the people who could actually benefit from seeing them?

WHEW, that sounded a lot better in my head. Let us know what you decide to do and how (or if) you decide to showcase any photos! And of course, let us know how the session goes :) GOOD LUCK, lady!

[Hollie]

OMG. NO WAY. His GRANDMA got you a boudoir photography gift certificate?! I'm practically rolling on the ground over here, Liz!!! You could have used it and just worn some of your amazingly fabulous clothes instead of undies, your style is killer!

A lot of people, regardless of their size, aren't insanely confident in their undies, especially in front of a camera while trying to give bedroom eyes. It's got to be intimidating, right? But I'm actually guilty of thinking that everyone under a size 4 would have no problem stripping down and looking like a VS model...thanks for telling me that ain't so ;)

[Hollie]

I was so busy thinking about potential perverts or bosses or co-workers...I totally forgot about PARENTS.

I. WOULD. DIE.

And to the people who say it's just like seeing someone in their swimsuit, it's totally not. I will wear a swimsuit to the beach on a hot day, but I would NEVER pose in my underwear with a seductive look in my eyes IN PUBLIC. I cringe at the thought.